AVAST YE MOMMIES AND DADDIES, BECOME "PARENTS OF THE CARIBBEAN!"-- NEW BOOK TEACHES PARENTS HOW TO RAISE KIDS AS PIRATES
Dayton, OHIO
Pirates of the Caribbean movies are a thrill-a-minute. But if you really want to add some excitement to your life, consider becoming a "Parent of the Caribbean."
"Most parents have been on the wrong end of a mutiny at one time or another," says Tim Bete, author of the new book, Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall's Guide to Pirate Parenting: Why you should raise your kids as pirates and 101 tips on how to do it (2007, Cold Tree Press).
"My book teaches parents every aspect of pirate growth and development -- from baby pirate care through the teen years -- so their kids can become self-respecting swashbucklers of the high seas or suburbs."
Life without pirates in the family was unimaginable for the author.
Guide to Pirate Parenting answers common questions such as:
At what age a child should be able to remove a bottle cap by taking out his glass eye and using his eye socket as an opener
Which offense requires administering The Flying Dutchman Wedgie
How to prevent sogging the quartermaster
The best place to maroon a disobedient child
How to remove chewing gum or a giant octopus from a child's hair
How to convert a minivan into a pirate schooner
When to smack a teenager in the side of the head with an oar
Today, all four of the author's children are little powder monkeys, and the entire family is as happy as a bilge rat in a bunghole!
Each information-packed section ends with "Your pirate's progress," a short quiz that shows whether a child is reaching his or her pirate development milestones. For example, if your son has said "I'll need another ration of grog if you expect me to eat these peas," or told his teacher his homework was "eaten by a giant barracuda when the family's ship wrecked on a coral reef near the Dry Tortugas," you're well on your way to having a pirate in the family.
The book's Web site (www.PirateParenting.com) is loaded to the gunnels with pirate fun, including an excerpt from the book, Cap'n Billy's random pirate schooner name generator, a chance to plunder Cap'n Billy's treasure chest, plus a quiz to see if your child is already a pirate. The Web site even includes a few of Cap'n Billy's nursery rhymes for little pirates.
While Bete's first book, In The Beginning...There Were No Diapers (2005, Sorin Books), was traditionally published, he decided to self-publish Guide to Pirate Parenting. "I wanted to find a traditional publisher, but Cap'n Billy said, 'Asking a publisher to print yer book is like asking a merchant vessel for permission to steal its gold. It just ain't the pirate way.'" Bete thought it best to follow the Captain's advice, especially since he had seen what happens to those who disobey direct orders.
Captain Billy 'The Butcher' MacDougall has been hiding from authorities for most of his life. His hobbies include plundering and rum.
"It's Cap'n Billy's dream that millions of parents will raise their kids as pirates," says Bete. "For years he's had trouble putting together a crew, and there's no more exciting life than to sail with the Cap'n, see the world, make new friends, and plunder 'em."
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, the third in the movie franchise, opens on May 25, 2007. Guide to Pirate Parenting is already opening in homes across the nation.
For more information and pirate fun, visit www.PirateParenting.com.
Guide to Pirate Parenting can be purchased in bookstores as well as at Amazon.com. Autographed copies can be bought at www.PirateParenting.com.
Ahoy there, parents! Raise yer kids as pirates!
by Tim Bete
I'm not sure when the idea to raise my kids as pirates first came to me. It may have been one of those days when I felt like I was on the wrong end of a mutiny. Or it may have been that Saturday morning when I woke up to my kids shouting and fighting and realized that, unknowingly, I had already raised four little buccaneers.
But I soon realized there are many benefits to raising kids as pirates. If your kids are already rotten, it helps you explain their behavior. Say you're in the grocery store and your children are destroying the produce section. All you need to say to the manager is, "Arrgh! Me kids have been at sea for months and are looking for oranges to prevent the scurvy." The produce manager will be apologizing to you, matey.
Baby Pirate was the inspiration for Guide to Pirate Parenting. You can read about Baby Pirate's "birth" at www.PirateParenting.com.
You want your children to have high self-esteem, don't ye? Pirates have the highest self-esteem of any occupation, except the occupation of "actor." But you don't want your children to be chased by paparazzi everywhere they go. Pirates are never chased by paparazzi...unless the pirate is Johnny Depp at the opening of Pirates of the Caribbean...but that doesn't count because he's not a real pirate.
Raising your children as pirates teaches them discipline, hard work and a colorful vocabulary. Typical household chores become exciting and fun when done in the pirate way. Your children may not want to sweep the kitchen floor but they'll beg for the chance to swab the poop deck, even if it's only because they can say the word "poop" without being flogged for it.
And young pirates are much more likely to listen to their parents. Your son may not obey you when you say, "Stop fighting with your sister," but he'll listen when you bellow, "Avast ye scurvy dog or I'll give ye a taste of me hook!"
Baby Pirate loves his Shipyard Ale. If only all pirates could find a bottle they could crawl into!
But the best part is that pirates are happy, deal well with difficult circumstances and are team players. They're financially independent and rarely live with their parents past age 18. And they love their mothers, as is often indicated by their tattoos. What more could you want for your little urchins?
Besides, when other parents hear you're raising your children as pirates, they'll stop asking you to volunteer at school. And replacing "family movie night" with "family terrorizing the neighbors with cannons night" is a wonderful change of pace. Divvying up booty is good quality time with the kids, and it's fun to watch the emergency room doctor's reaction when you say your son was injured during "a little mishap boarding a merchant vessel that refused to surrender."
So, what are ye waiting for, me bucko, a cannon ball through yer mizzen mast? Get your kids some eye patches, a few gold teeth and a dagger or two. Before you know it, you'll be one big, happy pirate family, sailing the high seas or suburbs. And you and your spouse can use the kids' college savings for a trip to Las Vegas.
Tim Bete is author of Captain Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall's Guide to Pirate Parenting: Why you should raise your kids as pirates and 101 tips on how to do it, which can be purchased at Amazon.com, at bookstores and at www.PirateParenting.com. The book teaches parents every aspect of pirate growth and development -- from baby pirate care through the teen years.
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